The Living Martyrdom of St. Donald: Brace for Canonization – NationofChange

The aggrieved, now shunned Declarer of Eternal Truths – “failed elections are rigged, scoffing elites rule, Trumpers always win (with God on their side), and Democrats are disguised commies” – is being transformed for zealots into St. Donald the Martyr. As always, Trump has two addictions: need for adoration and easy, tax-free sucker money. When God (or democracy) inexplicably raises up Biden, Trump must then ascend, from this dreaded trial, to lead his own church, the Messenger of the Stable, Winning Genius. For only with a church – assuredly with a far steadier income than any Trump property – does America, a crippled country racked with carnage, aspire to redemption, all via St. Donald of Queens.

Trump will lap up glimmers of martyrdom like a starving, mangy mongrel. What’s more natural than to rise from the Apprentice to the Anointed, the presidency merely a temp job – loaded with stop signs against doing whatever he pleases, whenever he wants. Unlike public office, where craven opponents collude with cowardly, election crooks, sainthood offers relief from unsavory, earthly vicissitudes.

I welcome my hopefully-delayed sacrificial martyrdom, even better if I don’t have to die or lose my fortune. So inconvenient. Then I’d only be a pauper saint. Staying alive is the deal I abide, for then I will bring down blessings for all followers of the Church of Trump. Yeah, I prefer this shortened name. My heavenly pass guarantee still stands. Trust me. Would an unstoppable winner like St. Donald lie?

The Living Martyrdom of St. Donald: Brace for Canonization – NationofChange